Monday, September 29, 2014

How Feminism Hurts Boys

First off, this blog is changing its title to "The Unwritable Life".  Sticks and scales will still survive with the focus bending toward herbs and music.  This will be my last post before ending this blog.

Second, I had a most extraordinary weekend.  I met with a friend that filled my heart.  She and her family are clear souls that I identify with and to be with them feels as natural as breathing.  We met in a chance encounter at a farmer's market with our babes on our backs nine years ago at the dawn of social media and stayed in contact to meet up again yesterday.   A beautiful confluence.  We each gave each other three gifts of food from our gardens.  Mine was chiles secos, jalapeños, and sweet bells; hers was Hawaiian coffee, papaya, and banana.  We are kind of each others' doppelgangers because we have so much in common, we have a kind of "cut from the same cloth" kind of feeling.  I am enraptured by her beauty and feel lucky to spend time with her.

In the evening I went to book club and realized something very important about feminism and sexuality and the law.

Something happened with feminism that is hurting boys.  It surrounds the idea of slut shaming.  If a precocious young girl seduces an older boy and her parents get mad they can press charges for statutory rape.  It used to be the case that parents were hard on their girls, but not on their boys.  Now there is an idea that a young woman is faultless in all sexual encounters but a boy can carry the weight of a sexual predator conviction for his sexual experiments or for being lured in by a prowess.  If a younger girl seduces an older boy, the older boy will always be the predator regardless of the situation, from a legal point of view.  This Lolita-esque situation hurts boys and impairs them psychologically and sexually.

If we are going to condone girls wearing whatever they want and no means no, we have to start acknowledging that human sexuality doesn't start at puberty and to stop shaming both girls *and* boys for their sexual development. 

But where can teenagers safely explore their sexual feelings for each other?  At home?  This would be the ideal, right?  Privacy.  How do you accept your teen's sexuality if it develops when she's only 13, 12, or 11?  I don't know.  I am trying to figure out, do you just tell them, "No, don't do anything sexually with another human until you live independently?". Or, "Do it in a bedroom only, never at school or in a dark corner somewhere?  Bring your partners home, daughter and sons!". I am not sure.


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