Sunday, February 14, 2016
Erich Fromm guilting me over separation issues
Am I the only one who sometimes worries that the separation part of parenting isn't going so well?
The attaching felt effortless, the separating feels like part of me gets wounded every day--I don't mean that I'm missing them, but that at least one of them tells me mean or hurtful things when they don't get their way, that kind of thing (maybe I am missing that magical unbroken bond, the invisible cord of attachment parenting.)
It has taken me a long time to dial down my reactions to their separation behaviors, and this is still a primary cause of conflict with my kids. Separation behaviors include doing things their own way, especially if it is largely inefficient and I showed them a better way, or automatically disagreeing with a parent or sibling just on principle. I know from studies in human development that this is how the mind develops, through counter-point, but the experience can be maddening!
On the other hand, the feminist in me is annoyed with Erich Fromm for creating the category of the "perfect mother."
Not sure why this quote triggered so much emotion for me, "Is it true? Is it divisive? Do I need to adjust my parenting point of view?"