Warning: triggers about infant loss, murder, suicide
There is a facebook page called We Are Human Angels. And that phrase has rung around in my mind, like a little musical phrase, and it has helped me to find some understanding about Satori's death and Jamie's death.
i realized that "we are all indeed human angels" felt the only way to understand death.
and i didn't know how to incorporate my cousin's suicide. suicide is so difficult to wrap around. if satori taught anything, she taught that we all have a story, a light, and a teaching. what does suicide teach us? how can we kneel at the light of an angel who committed suicide? then i got the answer.
when you put all the deaths you have experienced in your life into a constellation, you see that each point of light contributes to a greater constellation that cannot be appreciated without taking all points of light in relation to each other.
people who commit suicide teach about the power and tragedy of human existence, human experience. anyone who is an empath knows that the state of humans on earth is in a tenuously top-heavy time. we know that a peaceful future is possible, and we know that many many souls are shedding and shredding their futures. it is easy to understand why people *would* commit suicide. it is no different from monks who commit suicide. it is no different from caged wild animals that commit suicide.
Did you know that the total mass of all living things stays at a relatively stable proportion to the total mass of all non-living things? As the population of humans continues to increase, the population of wild animals continues to decrease, but the total amount of living creatures, breathing oxygen and shedding nitrogen, stays the same. This major transition is reaching its tipping point. There is much death, but there always was, and in some respects, there used to be more!
Whether or not someone is comfortable with death, suicide, it seems, remains somewhat taboo. But not anymore, at least for me. What human *hasn't* felt despair, hasn't felt the weight of human error, human folly pressing on their chest? Some days, life is heavy and I can completely understand how someone would want to step off.
With Jamie's teaching, there is another story. Jamie brought other people into her story. Story of forgiveness starts with yourself. But for now it seems like story of forgiveness is wrapped around people who murdered her. Murderers are like trolls, they just try to see what they can get away with. Yes, they are human trolls which means they have the chance to learn from their mistakes and let their hearts grow. But many choose to remain cold, like the ice comets and cold grey asteroids hurtling through space.