Again. In my life. I have succumbed to the voices.
It started with the plants this time. Listen to the plants, said the herbalist. The lady on the plant walk said that gems spoke to her and told her their properties. Then I found out about Laura Stinchfield, The Pet Psychic on YouTube. And I started remembering my own weird, strange experiences with animals when I was younger. And weird, strange experiences with people.
And how I slowly dialed down my ability to tune in to the voices of animals. In favor of... sanity? It was much safer to walk around the world not believing that I could understand what animals were saying. Much safer not to believe that I could influence things with my mind. That way led to depression.
Therapy. Getting in touch with my inner child. Then letting it go. Travel. Travel. Listening to people speak in other languages and experiencing other cultures cleared me for a while.
Love. Marriage. Birth birth birth. Cleared me to a new level. Brought me to the threshold of believing again, but I resisted.
I don't know what opened me up. I think it was a video on YouTube of Rupert Sheldrake's study on a psychic parrot. That made me think, hmmmm.... I recognized how the parrot and the woman talked to each other. It reminded me of other videos of parrots talking. And also videos of well-trained dogs. The way the parrot gives the word before the trainer is even finished giving the cue. The way dogs perform the action as the trainer is giving the cue. There is not time for the animal to have thought about what the person is going to say. The animal is picking up on the intentions of the human.
Watching these videos reminded me of a time in my own life when I spoke with animals. When I lived with Leyton Cougar, the current director of Wild Spirit Wold Sanctuary, he taught by example how to talk with animals. He did it naturally with his pets and with the wolves at the sanctuary. He had a natural rapport with the wolves that is evident to anyone who watches him with them. He spoke with his animals like they were people and they responded to him with a calm clear energy. I adopted his way with my own dog, Kenai, who came to the Sanctuary from people who thought he was a wolf, even though he was actually a dog. Kenai and I had an amazing relationship for fourteen years, that I contribute much of that to his early life out at the wolf ranch and my own learning how to listen to animals.
After that experience at the wolf ranch I returned to college and slowly let go of the idea that I could actually hear the animals. I studied at the College of Biological Sciences and felt like letting go of that idea was akin to growing up.
There have been a series of recent events that have rekindled my interest in psychic abilities. I have finally accepted that any and all psychic abilities are not special in any way. Everyone has these abilities and usually knows at least one person in their family who has some kind of special ability, talent, or gift.
I watched many videos on YouTube about animal communicators and I now realize that this is almost an accepted field. Almost every veterinarian has or would like to have an animal communicator to send patients to with animals who have problems that are difficult to diagnose or hidden pain. And *every* animal communicator says the same thing about how they send and receive information... through words and pictures in their mind.
And I've started receiving words and pictures from my animals. I received a story from my lizard about how she was caught. She has a regrown tail and I always assumed it was from the person who caught her. She said that she likes my children and likes children in general, she feels safer around children because she understands their energy and intentions much more clearly than adults. She said that a child was the one that caught her. She said that she knew the child. It was a child who lived in the houses near her home in the desert. She said that the child was known to other animals as well, that the animals know which children are the ones who are curious about animals. She said that the child captured her gently and sold her along with a bunch of other lizards to a man who was like a traveling buyer, who traveled around to different towns and offered money for animals like lizards and tortoises and snakes. Children knew about this man and could earn money for their family by collecting animals. She said that it was a rough man who handled her in the transportation process who broke her tail. She said that she understood the child's need and that she was also grateful for life after having gone through such a horrible process. She thinks that she helped the child get money for its family. That her life became a scary adventure to help another person but that in the end she is happy to live with us. We are happy she is with us too and we tell her that every time she comes out.
Then recently another strange thing happened. We checked out a book at the library called Casey Jones' Fireman: The Story of Sim Webb. It was strange because it was in the section with the fairy tales, not the biographies, despite the fact that Sim Webb is a real person and the story is mostly factual, with mild reference to the supernatural. Anyway, the book is a little dense for my 2yo, or so I thought. She loved it and requested it several times. Whenever I read this book it made me think of the song from the movie Dumbo about the little cartoon train they called Casey Junior. I can hear the song from an old record we had as a kid of Disney movie songs.
"Casey Junior's comin' down the tracks!"
That song rattling through my head all the last week.
Then I find out on facebook that a dear sweet friend, who lives down the street, had a nephew, named Casey Junior, commit suicide! I was so upset for her, as were many many of her friends and there was an outpouring of support on her page.
Then I got this message... from the boy. I did see a picture of him, but I really don't remember where, it must have been on her facebook page. I can see his image clearly in front of me. He's wearing a black hoodie. He has longish dark brown hair. I mean the hair is not long, but it's kind of long around his face, kinda spikey longish pieces hanging toward one side of his face. That's not how it always was, just how it looked because the hoody was pushing the hair around his face. I think he was squatting or kinda sitting. He is kinda smiling, but not very big. His eyes have a relaxed squint to them that his family would recognize as one of their common traits, if they smile you can't see their eyes very well in the picture.
I got a message from him. The message was that he is okay. That he wants his family to know that he is okay. That he didn't mean to. He did feel sad a lot. He did feel like he was a burden. He felt like he was dumb. He felt like some people were telling him he was dumb and he didn't know how to change that but that it made him feel bad. He says he's sorry and he really didn't mean to go all the way. He just wanted to try it, he didn't mean for it to work. He really loves his family and he feels bad that everyone is so sad. The reason he was so sad in life was that he didn't think he was smart enough to do what he thought people wanted him to do. He keeps saying that some of his family are worried about him because he committed suicide and they think that he went to hell but that he's not in hell and that he's okay and that there are lots of other kids where he is at. He is meeting other kids who did the same thing he did and they are all okay.
And I really want to tell my friend this information, but I think maybe that would be stepping over a boundary.
I have a cousin who also committed suicide. And for the first time today I really talked to him. He said that most people who commit suicide feel like a burden and that is why they do it. He felt like his parents already had their hands full and he didn't know who to turn to and felt out of control. He didn't like the way he treated his wife and his children. He didn't know how to control himself. He was absolutely distraught and felt like a huge burden.
I asked about Hell. Does it exist? And he said that there is definitely dark energy and negative fields and that there are people who choose to exist in those realms, but that much of our human understanding of hell is based on human existence and the lessons on earth.
Since I have been communicating with animals I tuned in to what the animals had to say about suicide and I was reminded that animals commit suicide all the time. Mass suicides of fish and whales happen every year and they do it because they cannot tolerate the conditions on Earth anymore. In some ways, this is similar to people committing suicide, people cannot tolerate the conditions of their life anymore.
Anyway, the point is that I have officially transformed back in a woo-woo person. Woot! It kinda feels good too. I really enjoy talking to my pets. But I definitely feel an even greater need to meditate now, to have a daily "grounding" so that I can be able to filter all the many voices that now pull at my skirt. (Have I started yet? No! Only *thinking* about doing it! lol) Like now I feel major pressure to stop eating meat. I hear the screams of the animals in a second by tuning into it. But I also feel the love of all the animals around me. I also feel more connected to my children because I see how the animals actually speak through the children because the children are so receptive to intuition.