Thursday, October 21, 2010

Be Here Now

This simple phrase, brought to us by our friend, Ram Dass, brings me some peace. Especially in this experience of pregnancy. I am in a gentle state of pregnancy. My morning sickness has vanished. I have energy and drive to keep my house clean and healthy meals on the table. My belly and body are not yet huge, but I have a notice-ably larger belly that is manageable. My spine feels much more comfortable in a curve than a straight line. The beginning feelings of movement tanatalize me. I have heard the heartbeat twice now, which I wish I never had because I like the secrets and not knowing. Last pregnancy, I didn't even contact a doctor until I was past four months and then switched over to the midwife when I was close to six months. I fiercely opposed any doctor. This time, I naturally contacted the midwife rather early to start up the relationship, and I'm glad I did. But I don't like the technological invasions into the life of the unborn baby. One of my paranoid pregnancy fears is that the baby will die and I won't even realize it. So now I fear waiting to hear the heartbeat. Or also anxious about when I will next feel movement. It can drive me batty at times to where I'm poking and prodding until I feel *something*. And I am only 17 weeks! I know that this feels the same as the last two pregnancies. I need to just "forget that I'm pregnant." And that's where Be Here Now comes in. My mantra for existing in the moment. I am here and there is a baby inside of me. We are here together. We are here now. Breathe out......

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